Praying For Brother Marv

I had a great visit with Dad last night.  When I say a great visit it’s not necessarily what you would think typically constitutes a normally great visit. Great visits conjure up images of back and forth dialogue, catching up on current events, and so on.  This was not a great visit in that regard.  After all, there is very little actual visiting with Dad these days.  He is incredibly weak, very hard of hearing, and foggy at best when it comes to remembering even simple things, so meaningful conversation is obviously very limited.  Our limited conversation went something like this. 

Since I am an irreverent son I always jokingly refer to Dad as brother Marv so I say in a loud voice, “Hello Brother Marv, nice to see you!”  With a smirk on his face because I called him brother Marv he responded feebly with, “Well hello Joe, I see you have a new house being built next to you.” 

After helping him to get seated I said, “Guess what dad, Jansen only has two months before he gets home from his mission in Tennessee.” “I know” Dad responded, “I can see several homes going up.”  I replied with a smile and wink at my wife, “Yep the neighborhood sure is starting to grow but I was talking about Jansen.” “Who?” Dad answered.  “J A N S E N” I said in a loud slow voice for clarity in hopes dad would understand and also in hopes dad hadn’t forgotten about his grandson on a mission.

At this point mom jumped in because she was sitting right next to dad.  She turned to him and even slower and louder than I had previously attempted said, “JANSEN, YOUR GRANDSON THAT IS ON A MISSION.”  “He is?” dad questioned.  I then pointed to Jansen in our family picture on the wall to show him who we were talking about.  Mom then said, “Jansen is coming home in 2 months.”  Dad then reacted with surprise asking “Jansen is building the house next door?”

That’s how our conversation started and that’s how our visit went.  It wasn’t great in the sense of being able to visit with dad but it is always great to be with dad regardless of his inability to interact in a meaningful way.  Sadly, dad is aware enough to recognize he is declining rapidly and can’t keep up with a normal conversations so sinks into the background and is content to smile and be in the presence of his family and grand kids.  

The other day he shared with me that he thinks he is stupid because he can’t figure out why he keeps waking up at his home on Canal Road.  Canal Road was the street in West Jordan where mom and dad lived when I was born in 1972.  He says he wonders why he can’t keep things straight when he walks outside and looks across the yard only to see his yard and home from 50 years ago.  Just last week he called Aunt Ellen in Salt Lake and told her he was on his way down to visit and would be there shortly since they were just now driving through Bountiful.  The phone call was actually made from his couch in Montana..  Unfortunately, this type of alternate reality is becoming increasingly normal with dad lately.  He has days of improved clarity, moments where he can hear better, and even times where his memory is clear and we get a glimpse of the old Marv.  However, those moments are farther and farther apart as his age increases and health declines. 

I don’t share these intimate moments of old age with the public to disgrace my father.  Just the opposite in fact.  I have never loved him more than in his moments of confusion and forgetfulness.  As a family, we cling to his fleeting moments of clarity like we’re hanging from the edge of a cliff.  We don’t want the witty and funny dad we grew up with to go away and especially not in this taxing drawn out fashion.  He has been our guiding star and to watch that star fade is incredibly difficult.

However, there is a bright spot.  Dad gave each his children the gift of allowing us to think for ourselves and to follow the dictates of our own conscience.  It was a principle he stubbornly and bravely lived by and he has done his best to pass that principle on to his kids.  He also preached that same principle from the pulpit as well as used it to council with those who looked up to him as a religious leader.  He rarely said, “Trust me, do it my way.”  He instead taught people that in order to become their best selves they had to stand on their own two feet…only then could they find the will of the Lord for themselves instead of relying on someone else to find it for them.

So with that thought in mind, I am praying fervently for Brother Marv because it has come to my attention that Brother Marv is under a tremendous amount of pressure right now from certain people within Pinesdale to receive a “revelation” about organizing an alternate priesthood council in order to perpetuate the “fullness of the gospel”.  To be fair, these people in Pinesdale don’t feel like they are exerting pressure on Marv.  After all, they are simply praying for him to receive the will of the lord on this particular matter. The problem is Marv knows and, more importantly, feels the pressure from those who still look to him for guidance and council.  There are many who view Brother Marv as the rightful heir to the head of the priesthood council and that he is actually the correct mouthpiece of the Lord instead of Lynn Thompson.  They have a valid argument.  Marv, after all, has gotten the short end of the stick more than once in regards to proper protocol as historically taught by the AUB group pertaining to their professed seniority doctrine.  On the other hand, AUB loyalists feel there must be a valid reason the Lord passed over Marv, not once but twice.  Many of the loyalists have even suggested the “pass-over” appointments were done because of egregious sins, errors, or rebelliousness on the part of brother Marv.  However, no one in the AUB has ever been able to articulate what exactly those sins and errors are.  Those in Pinesdale who currently oppose the current direction of the AUB council feel like the pass-over appointments can be chalked up to nothing more than simple geography and the politicking of men.  They therefore wait anxiously for brother Marv to act in any way that would give them hope that he indeed has the last string of legitimate priesthood authority to carry out the fullness of the gospel.

So brother Marv is at a confusing and difficult spiritual cross-roads in his life.  Does he fade quietly into the shadows in the twilight of his life or does he go down fighting and reorganizing?  Arguments can be made for both avenues depending on where a person stands in relation to the split the AUB group as gone through over the past three years since the passing of brother LaMoine. 

I would urge the people in Pinesdale to listen to what brother Marv has already said and more importantly done 3 years ago when he was of sound mind instead of what he might say now as a confused old man.  At that time, brother Marv did one of the most courageous things I think he has ever done when he stood in defiant boycott to the corrupt path the AUB council was taking.  Brother Marv had been warning for years about troubling concerns of “Short Creek like” doctrines and practices creeping into the AUB group.  Initially he felt like he could help steer the AUB boat away from the waterfall that some seemed Hell-bent on going over.  When the time came that he realized his influence and pleadings were falling on deaf ears, he removed himself from The Council and refused to follow them over the edge of radical fundamentalism.  

Think about that act of bravery for a minute.  A man in his 80's and he could have just as easily kept his mouth shut and died a full-fledged member of the country club to be eventually buried with full AUB honors as man of the people. But instead he opted for the hard road…the road less traveled.  He didn’t do it for position or power.  If he did, he sorely misjudged the situation because he has received neither.  He didn’t do it because his apostate sons were lobbying for him to become the head of the priesthood.  In fact, every one of his sons feels incredibly thankful that their father is not the leader of the AUB or a new priesthood council.  He did it because he was following the dictates of his own conscience.  Plain and simple, he followed his gut instinct that something was drastically wrong and he was not going to go down with the ship while still trying to convince others that everything was going to be fine.   It was not easy for brother Marv to walk away and it has extracted an immense emotional, spiritual, and even physical toll.  His stooped shoulders and constantly searching face bare the lonely weight and heavy burden of his choice.

Consequently, because of Marv’s choice, others have followed his lead and have rightfully walked away from the AUB and their increasingly Short Creek like tendencies.  They have followed him out of the supposed safety net of the AUB only to find themselves in a religious No Man’s Land.  To be completely fair to brother Marv, he has asked no one to follow him on his journey.  Some of those who have left the AUB have joined the LDS church, some have completely abandoned religion, and some are trying to re-organize.  Those who are trying to reorganize are mistakenly still trying to cling to the ideas of the old AUB group but with different leadership and they want Marv to give his blessing to their endeavors which in their eyes would equal a legitimate line of priesthood authority they can trace back.  So far, he has stood strong and refused to give into their wishes.  He has repeatedly told them that he is not their leader and instead has repeatedly pointed them in a direction where he encourages them to develop a personal relationship with Christ instead of relying on a confusing line of priesthood authority for their saving grace. 

Marv has dedicated his whole life to building a ship big enough, strong enough, and right enough to sail into the highest degrees of celestial glory only to come to the realization that the ship he was building was actually in the slow process of sinking.  There is in fact, no ship strong enough or right enough to sail into heaven.  The truth is we must instead paddle our own individual canoes towards Christ.  Marv finally reached a point where he realized the AUB could not and will not save anyone.  No amount of supposed revelation, ordinances, or organization will ever be enough because only a personal relationship with Christ can save you.

In the New Testament we can learn a great lesson from the Apostles huddling in fear on their boat only to see Christ outside of the boat walking on the water.   Peter alone had faith enough to step out of the perceived safety of the boat to go and meet Christ.  Christ is not in the boat.  Instead, He is on the storm tossed seas of our complicated daily lives.  We have to step out of our comfort zones to interact with Him.  Brother Marv has learned from Peters example in stepping away from his comfort zone and I pray for him that he can stay strong against the pressure he is feeling now to reorganize and rebuild a new boat patterned in the mold of the old.

If some people in Pinesdale want to reorganize under different leadership and direction I encourage them to do so.  I actually applaud them for getting off the dangerous AUB ship.  I am a religious libertarian in that I believe anyone has the right to pray, worship, and organize in a way they see fit.   However, if the members of the newly organized “2^nd Ward” in Pinesdale are going to be placing all of their hope in looking for a revelation from a confused old man to lead them to Christ they will sadly be misled once again.  When we are truly converted to the simple gospel principles of faith, repentance, forgiveness, and service then and only then will we find Christ.  Those are the fundamentals the people in Pinesdale should be clinging to, not line of authority and ever shifting doctrines.  In the end, it won't matter what organization we belong to because there is no man or line of men that should stand between us and a relationship with your savior.

As I proudly walked my confused and weak father out to the car last night after our great visit, I couldn’t help but be incredibly thankful for the man that taught me those guiding principles.